Kids...ya gotta love 'em
Mood:  lazy
Last night I talked to my 13-year-old son on the phone for at least an hour, if not longer. He constantly amazes me at how grounded and rational he is for having had such an unorthodox childhood and challenging genes (on his father's side, of course).

Like most boys his age he's a rabid gamer, inhaling video games like pure oxygen. He tends to prefer role-playing games that involve strategy, though he also likes to blow things up and wreak havoc. He doesn't care for sports-based games and the only cartoon-character types he likes are demented ones such as the psychotic squirrel Conker whose life mission is to get drunk and kill teddy bears. His latest RPG mission is Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas generally regarded as inappropriate for his age group. Of course, I have trouble figuring out exactly what his "age group" is, because he's seemed older than he really is for most of his life.

Several times during his "gaming career" I've talked to him about violent games and the way they affect people. The first time I broached the subject was soon after the Columbine killings in 1999. He had not yet turned 8, but had been playing Doom , one of the games that the Columbine killers played, for probably three years or so. Naturally I was concerned, though I had not noticed any behavior changes in him.

When I broached the subject, my seven-year-old-going-on-forty-year-old child looked at me with the expression young boys reserve for what they consider to be particularly stupid questions from their parents. "Mom. It's a GAME, " he said, as if I had insulted him by insinuating he couldn't tell the difference. "Okay son," I said, "Glad to hear it. Had to ask. I'm your mom, it's my job."

So last night I asked him what he thought about the guys who credited GTA:San Andreas for giving them the idea to shoot people out on the street, or the one who shot his way out of the police station and blamed the game.

He said, "I think they must have been sociopaths who wanted to kill anyway and were trying to use the excuse of the game to get off. Those kind of people ruin it for those of us who can separate reality from fantasy."

I told you he isn't really 13.

Then he slipped a bit, showing me that he isn't completely grown up, by describing the drunken antics of this "Conker" creature who gets drunk and urinates everywhere and saying, "I won't get a gun and shoot people, but I might just get drunk and urinate on them." He was kidding, of course, and we both laughed, and again I thanked the grace of God that created such a wonderful, beautiful soul.

Motivation
Mood:  not sure
The stars are testing me this morning.

I've been at work an hour. I've gone through my email and read what little there was new to read. I've read what little new info there is on my favorite sites. Now I'm faced with what will hopefully be a slow morning and I'm forcing myself to break through the creative logjam that has kept me from updating this blog on a regular basis.

Not that I haven't tried to update before, I have. It's just that whenever I sit down at the computer, my mind goes blank and I become so drowsy that all I can think of is going to sleep--even if I just woke up!

So I'm gritting my teeth and pushing through. I'm determined that I will--sooner, rather than later--use this space to link to all the interesting tidbits I come across online that become dated before I can get another newsletter done and out. That's a whole other topic, the newsletter, but I'm thinking that within the next month I'll be doing enough updates to the whole website that I can get more motivated to be more active with everything.

I'm pretty excited that a recent reading resulted in a new graphic for emails and the banner I'm now featuring on the main page of SpiritLight HealingHave a look at it!

Danielle from Inspirit Active Media
Digital Audio, Interactive & Visual Productions
(n8music.com)created a beautiful banner for me, and gave me a great tip for a new webhost that I'm planning to try after the first of July. It will be great to be free of any advertising unless I choose to have affiliate ads.

So maybe I can stay MOTIVATED now!

I can't believe I've neglected this blog so badly!
Mood:  caffeinated
I've been so totally distracted by the rest of my life that I've neglected writing. I'll definitely be changing that and learning about the upgrades here so I can share some of the topics that distract me so much!

Last night our power went out at about 10:45pm and didn't come back on until about 3:30am. There was a huge thunderstorm and quite a dazzling show of electrical force. So I'm running on caffiene this morning since it's not easy to sleep with no air conditioning, no air circulating and believe it or not, no BACKGROUND NOISE!

The other night our fan, Stan, died suddenly. No protracted illness, just a quick, painless death. It was about 8:00pm and neither of us felt like going to the store to get a new one. We probably should have, though, because neither of us slept well without that comforting hum.

Last night's quiet was much quieter, if you can understand what I mean. Our complex and the one our door faces were without power, so that means no air conditioners humming. So even though the moist air conducted the sounds of people talking in the parking lot, the splash of water as they drove through, and their repeated horn-honking, it was too quiet to sleep well.

Oh that and it was HOT. And HUMID. And HOT.

I definitely gained a renewed appreciation for the miracle of air conditioning...and Sudafed!

June 8, 2004
I'm in such an odd place today, on all levels. Sorta tired, sorta crabby, sorta antsy...I've been doing a lot of foundation work, using affirmations, etc., and the growth process isn't particularly a comfortable one, but that's how I know it's working, I guess.

Like when you know that a burn or cut is healing because it itches, this unsettled feeling is at once uncomfortable and comforting. Uncomfortable in that I'm touchy, moody, finding it hard to relax. Comforting in that the inner work I've been doing is beginning to manifest in my outer reality.

One affirmation I've been using is from Louise Hay, (well, most of them are) "All my relationships are harmonious." It's a beautiful thought, sounds really useful. I didn't think, however, that implementing it would bring certain aspects of relationships to the surface, those parts that are not harmonious and that must be either resolved or removed. Kind of like praying for patience and getting nothing but many and varied opportunities to practice patience.

So I'm learning that while affirmations are great tools, they are not without their caveats. Makes sense that, in the absence of a magic wand, using a tool to make emotional and spiritual changes would cause a bit of disruption from time to time. In order to change an attitude or situation, I first have to recognize that it NEEDS to be changed. And therein lies the rub.

I'm also learning that the "experts" are right, dang it, when they say that where I find resistance, those are the areas I need to which I need pay closest attention. That's not a particularly appealing idea, but I'm finding it to be true. Reminds me of the quote from the Big Book of AA, "Pride says, `You need not pass this way,' and Fear says, `You dare not look!'" And there's another appropriate one, "Instincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute we make a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions." So true, so true.

So that's where I am today, right now, at this minute. Tomorrow, who knows?

Summer in the City
I've had a song going through my head a lot lately..."Summer in the City"...I suppose because I actually feel like I'm in the city now, even though I've lived in Houston for seven years now. The neighborhood where we live isn't much different than where I grew up, other than the traffic and the number of people in the grocery store on weekends. Working downtown feels completely different, which is understandable, of course, yet still a novel experience.

So the old song has been playing intermittently through my head, along with the Quizno's commercials with the Spongmonkeys...those odd rat/gerbil/chinchilla/other-rodent-whose-name-I-can't-remember that play guitars and sing about loving the subs, and how eating raw subs would be barbaric and after all, they aren't the Huns.

Along with the musical interludes I've had various thoughts and themes rolling around in the ol' noggin, such as the fact that "sultry" is just a fancy way of saying "hot, sticky, and danged uncomfortable." We have so much "sultry" weather here I'm expecting to read reports of babies being born with gills, or people developing webbed toes. Any more moisture in the air and we'd need snorkels just to go out the door.

As for metaphysical musings go, here's a few items:
(sorry I don't quite have the hang of doing an active link yet...try cutting and pasting.)

?This is from www.shamanicastrology.com/celestial_timings.htm (Thanks for the link, LadyLeo, I love this site!)

"Solstice literally means "stand still of the Sun". This means the Sun rises and sets at the same place on the horizon for three days appearing to stand still. Therefore, the Solstice window of potency is three days, including the day before and the day after the exact Solstice. At the Turning Of The Ages these timings are important gateways for honoring and celebrating the emerging mysteries particularly those around the seasonal cycles."

Now considering how long I've dabbled in astrology, and how I've studied the changing seasons, and most especially what a fan of etymology I am, you'd think I would have known that little tidbit, but if I did I forgot it.

?From http://skyandtelescope.com/observing/ataglance/article_110_1.asp which is a really, really cool site!

Tuesday, June 8 Transit of Venus happens after sunrise for eastern and central North America and most of South America; during the height of the day for most of Europe, Africa and Asia; and before sunset for Japan, Korea, parts of China, and Australia. See our maps and timetables for full details. A complete article on what to watch for with a telescope during the transit in the June Sky & Telescope, page 73. A photography guide is in the May issue, page 137, and also online.

I guess that's enough for now. I thought I had a bit more to say, but I don't, so I'll just hush for now.

Working in Downtown Houston
May 26, 2004

The energy levels involved in working downtown amaze me. Especially after having spent most of the last ten months as a virtual hermit, I find the whole experience fascinating, from the bustle of the Skyline District to the rigors of public transportation.

I've commuted before, many times with college, work, etc. Spending that much time on a Metro bus feels completely different, though, especially when it's been five years since I've driven or ridden much of anywhere, so bouncing around in a rattling behemoth for over an hour twice daily was an adjustment. Not to mention the fact that the city streets and city buses are not a match made in heaven

Then there's the timing. Coordinating my work schedule with the bus schedule, especially on weekends requires patience, skill, and a level of conditioning I haven't had in decades, especially since the bus to my end of town stops three or four blocks away, depending on whether it's coming or going.

The building where I work sits squarely in downtown Houston, amid towering examples of architecture from the last six or more decades. Beneath the streets lies a network of tunnels, the only place that I know of on the Texas Gulf Coast where builders were brave enough, or perhaps foolish enough to put businesses underground.

Since this part of Texas sits at or below sea level, not only does the water table lie close to the surface, making digging a hole of any depth a challenge, but the area floods any time more than two Bubbas spit out the window at the same time. Heavy rainfall makes the freeway network look like tributaries complete with small stream advisories, and the area news helicopters circle the city in search of footage of foolhardy folk who thought that the water couldn't really be that deep.

Tropical Storm Allison in June 2001 floated eighteen-wheelers down freeways like toys in a bathtub as the Bayou City's numerous bayous tried to have a family reunion. The downtown area was particularly hard hit. The tunnels became aqueducts and the pricey boutiques and eateries had to be completely renovated. All's well that ends well, I suppose, because the system seems to be in good shape now.

Connecting 77 buildings in air-conditioned comfort, the tunnel has the feel of an upscale mall, for the most part, only without all the clothing stores and with many more restaurants and eateries than the normal food court. In fact the entire downtown area is a fine example of the number and diversity of restaurants in the entire city.

The tunnel also showcases the pace of working downtown in the fourth largest city in the US. No leisurely window shopping here, or you'll get run over quicker than if you did the speed limit on the Beltway. The tunnel-goers are on a mission with a deadline, and no one or nothing gets in the way. Use special caution with ladies in full business attire wearing athletic shoes. The heels came off for a reason.

Up at street level, getting around downtown is easier on foot than by car. There's a trolley system that I've yet to figure out, and it's not even really a trolley but a bus made to look like a trolley. They're free, but I haven't a clue as to their schedule. Besides, when you sit at a desk 8 hours a day, it's a good thing to walk a few blocks now and again. The new mayor's effort to synchronize the traffic lights works worked beautifully, making crossing the streets much smoother. The pedestrians here aren't quite as speedy as those in the tunnels, but the cyclists make up for it. They weave in and out of traffic gracefully, often with packages balanced on their handlebars.

Houston's skyline includes graceful old buildings dating as far back as the 1860's amid modern glass and steel skyscrapers, including the Chase tower, tallest building east of the Mississippi. Though for decades few people chose to live downtown, with the success of the revitalization programs, lofts and other apartments have become the hottest properties in town. I personally wouldn't want to live here, but it does have a certain amount of charm.

I won't even go into the whole train situation other than to say that having light rail from downtown to the Medical Center has shown just how terrible Houston drivers are. Whoever decided the trains needed to be equipped with exterior cameras should get a monthly bonus based on the savings in insurance claims from drivers who just don't grasp the concept of not turning in front of the train.

That's it for now, I'll probably think of more later...

Regression
Part 2: Wed May 19, 2004


After getting permission from my HS, AKA Angela, T. gave instructions for me to see a life that was pleasant, that would be comfortable for me to see. I instantly began seeing an aerial shot of a huge white house, Georgian architecture, huge white columns, sitting in a clearing with dense forest around it on three sides. On the fourth side there was a stand of trees, but beyond the stand were open green fields, some cultivated, some not. T. asked me where and when it was; I instinctively knew it was in Georgia, 1853.

T. had me zoom in and see myself, and I got the image of the interior of the house, and I saw myself as a young girl, running and playing with a young man. I knew without being told I was 16, and that my name was Mary. The young man was my twin, Todd. We were chasing each other on the landing of the upper floor, and down at the other end of the landing I could see a tall man dressed quite well who I knew was my grandfather, whom I called "Papa". Seems that my father "Daddy" wasn't around much, and I didn't feel much connection to him, but I adored Papa. T. asked who he is in my life now, and I said my dad. Todd is Griffin now.

For some reason I didn't like Papa's wife, I'm not sure when he remarried, but his wife wasn't much older than I was. Thinking of her was unpleasant, so T. guided me to other images. I could see myself in the stables, petting a large chestnut thoroughbred, a hunter. I could feel the breath from his nostrils. Then we were riding, Todd and I, and we headed out across the green field, and I could feel the dampness of the tall grass.

We stopped and sat under a tree for a while, and I remember observing how close we/they were, and how much detail I could recall about the surroundings, our clothing, etc. It was a fun time, yet I could feel some darkness around the edges, tension just under the surface. I'm not sure why I saw this particular lifetime first, but it does rather explain my instant connection to Tara in Gone with the Wind and why I have such a fascination with the antebellum period.

I'm looking forward to viewing more adventures, especially since I read about how many times we choose to reincarnate on the same day of the year, and I recently discovered that John I of England, or John Lackland has the same birthday as I do, and I'd had him come through in a reading by a talented medium a couple of years back saying I would know who he was. So as my mama used to say, "We shall see what we shall see."

The White Shirts
Wed. May 19, 2004

Well, this is the first time I'm trying to write at work (on my "day job") to transfer in the evening. I'm hoping it works well so I can start posting more regularly.

I've taken in so much information recently on so many levels. By one of those divinely inspired synchronicities I discovered that my next-door neighbor is a psychic who does Life Plan readings, past-life regression and soul retrieval. (She also sells books on e-Bay, so her apt. is full of cool books). We realized quickly that we have known each other in previous lifetimes, though the details aren't yet clear.

A couple of weeks ago we did our first session which involved re-introducing me to my Higher Self and getting permission from my HS to view past lives. I've never been hypnotized before so I didn't know what to expect. My neighbor, T., has been doing this for over 20 years, though and she seemed to think it all went well.

Even though I do go into hypnotic states easily and visualize easily, I have a really bossy and controlling conscious mind that kept trying to control the session, which I found both amusing and annoying. I was surprised at how in some areas there wasn't anything to really see. T. said that is fine, that there really isn't much there, that our minds actually create what we either need to see or what we believe is there. So I guess that's a good thing that my subconscious doesn't "need" to see those things.

Anyway, she asked my HS for a name to call her/me/it and the name "Angela" came out of my mouth. Which is kind of interesting as my father wanted to name me "Angela Monique" but was overruled. T. asked if Angela knew her (T.) "Of course I know T." Angela said, as if the question were incredibly ridiculous. T. asked if it were okay if I viewed some of my past lives, and Angela said I could look at as many as I wanted.

When T. asked about R.B., one of her "past-life people" as she calls them, to see if "we" knew her, I answered from the memories of a Lakota medicine man who would not give his name, saying that names were sacred, that one did not give his name in such a way. He did know of R.B., but said that she was really more of a loner, so he didn't know much about her. T. asked if he had a message for me, the me I am now, and he said "Remember the Ghost Shirts." T asked if he meant the Ghost Dancers that were killed in a massacre, and he said "Yes. It didn't work. Remember the Ghost Dancers, it didn't work."

I didn't think much of it at the time, but later I realized the words "It didn't work" were actually a warning. I felt that he meant that no matter how hard we try now to recreate the past, we can't, just as the White Shirts, or Ghost Dancers, were not able to bring back the buffalo and take back the land from the white man. In this time, in this place we cannot bring back the state of innocence, such as it was, that was taken from us on Sept. 11, 2001. We cannot undo what has been done, but we can use the experiences we've had to grow spiritually, as well as to build a stronger society in general.

This post is getting a bit lengthy, so I'll continue later about the other part of my session.

Has it been that long really?
I guess I didn't realize just how long it's been since I updated the blog...I started a new job three weeks ago so I'm gone all day now, with a long commute to the Skyline District of Downtown Houston.

When I first had an interview downtown, a couple of months ago, I felt like such a country bumpkin wandering around the tall buildings and the busy streets of the fourth largest city in the US. Going into the Tunnels was even worse, if that's possible. For those who don't know, Houston has a network of tunnels connecting many of the buildings in the downtown area. Basically an underground shopping mall with several food courts featuring much more upscale restaurants than in the average mall.

And over the last few years, the City of Houston has made many improvements to the area, including a light rail system that runs from downtown to Houston's world-famous Medical Center which includes the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, among others. The train is the subject of much amusement these days. Since it opened at the end of January, right before the Super Bowl, it has been involved in over 40 accidents. The train hasn't been at fault in any of them, the drivers and in one case pedestrian, have just been plain stupid.

Plus, my office is on the same street as Minute Maid Park, home of the Houston Astros, so we can always tell when there's a home game from the traffic in front of the building. The 'stros, by the way, are doing rather well so far this year, and the pitchers they stole from the Yankees are well on the way to earning their salary. Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite have actually lived up to their hype so far.

I meant to write more about the energy downtown, but I guess that will wait for next time.

Time flies
I can't believe it's been so long since I posted here...I started several posts, but got frustrated and quit. Don't know what the deal was.

Right now I'm buzzing on all the energy that's crackling around the ethers right now. I had a wonderful reading earlier, and I really feel my connections to the Spirit Realm are getting stronger. Of course it helps to read someone who is really open to being read.

It's a strange thing to hear a name in your head and have it be related to someone with whom you are working, yet have never actually met. In this lifetime anyway. Especially when that name is so odd that it can't be a coincidence. It's one thing to get John, or Bob, or Jane, or Mary...most everyone has one of those names near them. With my family there are numerous Johns, Mary Janes, etc. But only one Minerva, one Ethel.

So now I am working to trust my impressions more. I don't do well on those online tests, the pick the color thing, etc. But when it's connected to a person and an emotion, I get pretty clear images. Now it's just a matter of learning to sort out which ones are literal and which are symbolic.

I had another interesting experience, too. Going back to work for someone else for the first time in months was jarring. Realizing that I was selling my labor to someone else for much less than what it is worth to me. So I'm encouraged to promote myself and work for myself much more!

Seeing someone younger than I am going to great lengths to build their dream made me realize how often I settle for what's safe. How much I really undersell myself in many ways...

Ah well, I definitely have a lot of thinking to do...